What should I do?

The thought of going to work tomorrow fills me with dread. I really want to stop working in this line. But if I do stop, what should I do and will I ever get a job that pays me that kind of money per month?

I've been feeling like this for the past ten years. It's really high time for me to stop but I can't shake off the feeling that I am supposed to do something even better. Something greater. Something that will make me famous. Not in a wrongful way, of course. But I have no idea what.

Can the answer appear in my dream tonight?

Phone conversation with Oji-san #1

Oji-san just called.

Today he has a fever. He's not feeling well so he was emo-ing. He said he's feeling guilty for making me wait to marry him while he sort out his career.

I told him it's ok.The only time that I felt regretful was two years ago in 2010. We could have gotten married at that time but let's just take it that Allah has grand plans for us.

But honestly, I am kinda glad that I don't have to think about wedding plans now. I don't need extra headaches in my life and I'll probably feel like murdering someone along the way when that time comes.

So hey, however long it takes, I'll wait for him. Even though once we get married, we'll be chiong-ing for a kid cause of our age.

Now...if only I can sort out my career as well. I was feeling shitty just now. It's about work. To go or not to go? That is the question. I'm fed-up, honestly. Ten years on and I am still feeling this.

A friend's wedding

Yesterday was my friend's wedding.

Faz-minah! Or Fazlina =) So pretty! The mak andam is definitely on my idle list of mak andams to check out in the future. Idle because it's just the main-main kind of list in my head. Nothing confirmed yet, that's why.

Obligatory group photo of us, the NYP students. Or ex-NYP students.

There's 5 married couples in that picture including the newlyweds, counting Hajmath who is married but the hubby didn't join in the photo taking. One by one...or rather two by two (like queuing up in school like that XP),  my friends are married, having kids or going to have kids. Next up, they'll be talking about kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, JC O.O Hamagad. 

I can just imagine. Me and Oji-san. Still grappling with our firstborn while the rest are happily sending their kids to school T_T Pressure on us to get married now. NOT. Haha.

We both are the relek one corner type. As long as my parents or his parents are not pressuring us to get married asap, we both are fine with the status quo. Actually...not really. But money doesn't grow on trees, you know. I don't want to think about the preparations for the wedding, it gives me headaches every time and I get stupefied. I can't even imagine wearing those kain songkets and the heavy headgears. I rather wear a helmet cause I'll probably freak out from all the attentions so I wanna hide my face. I AM DREADING THAT DAY!!!

Me and Oji-san. $50,000 for anybody who can guess our wedding date. I'll use the $50,000 for the downpayment of my future house lol

All time favourite band

“All over the world people are oppressed and in London there were the dreads and there were punks and we had an alliance. England is a very repressive country. Immigrants were treated badly. So these people had a sense of pride and dignity, and when we went into their concerts, where we should have had the grace to have left them alone, they didn’t jump us, they didn’t stomp us, they didn’t beat the seven shades of you know what out of us. They understood that maybe we needed a drop of this roots culture. And ‘White Man in Hammersmith Palais’ is a song that was going through my mind while I was standing in the middle of the Hammersmith Palais in a sea of thousands of rastas and dreads and natty rebels. That song was trying to say something realistic.”

—

Joe Strummer, 1981

I love The Clash. But I was born too late for them. My WIP is an inspiration from them. I hope I can see that WIP through.

Marriage proposals

I guess a lot of people has watched the video of a guy proposing to his girlfriend by having his friends and family members ad-libbing to Bruno Mars 'Marry you'.

Then yesterday the BFF sent me a picture of a cat used to to bring a ring for, I assume, a marriage proposal. Cute right, the cat? <3

Notice that ring around the collar? But for all you know, it just might be for safekeeping? Probably not cause who would keep a ring around their cat's collar right? So I guess it is for a marriage proposal.

I have never really thought about being proposed to. Guess I'm practical for a lot of aspects in my life or it could be that I was pretty much alone for most of my life to actually think or daydream about getting a boyfriend or marrying someone. So now that marriage is in the works, I guess I am still in the denial mode. I really find it hard to believe sometimes that someone actually wants me. I am flummoxed. (Yay! Can insert this word here. 'Flummox' is one of my favourite English words!)

By right, we shouldn't be following the Westerner's ways of proposing. Awal Ashaari got flaked recently for going down on his knees on a Malaysian TV channel to propose to his girlfriend (although I think he went through the proper way of asking for Scha's hand before he went down on his knees). It's still pretty romantic though. Brought tears to my eyes. But guess since we are Malays, we should go through the proper channel to get married i.e. through the parents. Hantar rombongan untuk merisik. Like formally asking for the hand in marriage.

I told Oji-san that I don't wanna have any engagement ceremony or whatever. No need to doll myself up or have a mini hantarans exchange. Let's save that for the real thing. >.< But now that I have watched countless proposal videos, it sure is nice to have a surprise proposal suddenly happening to me. Knowing Oji-san though, he'll not be bothered to rack his brains out for this. Guess I have to wait for his parents to come over to my house.

Gosh. By the way, just realised that 'marry' rhymes with 'scary' O.O

Does things really go downhill after marriage?

Before I go to sleep, let me put this quote up. I got this off Tumblr

That last line really described what happened with Oji-san and I during our first date >.< I don't know how or why that happened. I just remember feeling very happy holding his sweaty hands. Hah.

But anyway, I'm not gonna reminisced about that first date. That is for another entry altogether. What I want to post about now (before I go to sleep; my eyes are heavy and my legs are crying out for help cus I think I ran about 5 km today?) is the fact that it is not always rainbows and butterflies when it comes to marriage. Facebook and Twitter has help me to become a kaypoh-ter (play on the word 'reporter') on a few of my friends and acquaintances' marriage status. Some are divorced, some has remarried while some are left hanging? Them, with their thousands of dollars wedding receptions. She, with the pictures of her and her 'special one' during their courting days  plastered all over her Facebook. Her, who declared that she was marrying the 'love of her life'.

But then everything turns to naught a few years after the marriage.

What? I am totally flabbergasted.

Does things really go downhill after marriage? Is it always the guy's fault? Where did the trust and the understanding between a couple goes? Is there any outsider's interference?

Marriage is a big step honestly. Right now, I am not sure I am prepared to take the next step. I already have a headache thinking about all the preparations that I need to do just for the sake of holding the wedding reception. So I rather not think about it.

Whatever it is, if I am meant to be with Oji-san, I'll pray and I'll work hard to make sure that my marriage will last. Insya allah. No. I'll definitely make sure that I'll still be around to push him down the staircase when he turns 50 years old (inside joke XP).

Oh, the more time I spend online, the more atrocious my grammar becomes. Better turn in. Good night, Shumukku! Your real-life alter ego needs to get her beauty sleep :)

Wedding talks?

Shmook oji-san suddenly broached up the idea of marriage, wedding and the likes. My passive and relaxed mind went on the denial mode. NOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Why now when I am in a lull, where I am almost content to let our status quo to stay as it is? See, the other time when I tried to book a BTO flat, he told me to relax and chill. Now when I am all relaxed and chill, he suddenly talked about marriage and such. It's too much for my poor brain actually. It left me pretty petrified at the idea of marriage suddenly. I mean, I know I need to start thinking about marriage and wedding at some point SOON but I'm not those type of girl who spend time daydreaming about what color my wedding dress is going to be, or how am I going to decorate the hantarans or what henna design should I choose. The thought that I have to waste brain cells thinking about all this soon is making me go 'Dafuq' and my face is going like this as well-> -_-

I don't mind the idea of being married but I absolutely dread the process of getting married. WHY oh WHY ARE MALAY WEDDINGS SO INTRICATE AND EXPENSIVE?